Although the holiday season brings much cheer, it can also bring a lot of tension especially with the ones closes to you. We spoke with Psychotherapist and author of the new book Conversation Guide, Joelle Prevost, R.C.C. to get advice on how to create more joy and less friction this holiday season.
Q: Holiday season brings out the best and worst in many and can cause more stress and arguments than usual. Share with us why you think the holidays lead to more stress than any other time of the year.
The weather is the first thing, this can affect people a lot, especially in colder, darker climates. The lack of Vitamin D and light in general can have a huge impact on mental health. Then there is the change in routine, not being able to do our normal self-care. Add to those potentially having 24/7 time with family/in-laws/friends can be a lot (especially post-pandemic when we’re not really used to socializing!).
Social burnout can be very stressful, especially for introverts who need their alone time to recharge. There is also stress regarding gifts for people (if that is something you and your loved ones participate in), which can be both stressful mentally as well as financially.
Lastly, there is the start of a New Year, which, like most milestones (birthdays, anniversaries, etc), causes us to reflect on the last year, which can be really great, but also really overwhelming, depending on how your year has gone.
Are there any new techniques you suggest to mentally prepare yourself BEFORE the holidays hit?
Take time to think about how you can realistically take care of yourself when your regular schedule is not in effect. Maybe try a meditation challenge, go for a walk a few times per week, or something similar. Pick something easy that you know you can achieve.
Another thing to try is to plan a vacation for January or February: a short weekend getaway, or a staycation in bed with some good TV shows. The December holiday season might present time off work, but is it really rest? Knowing there is time to actually relax right around the corner can help you get through the hectic holiday season.
What are some tips on coping with difficult family members during the holidays?
Think about “Vulnerability Factors” and do your best to mitigate them when you’re around difficult people. For example: Do you tend to get into difficult situations more often when you’ve had some drinks? When you are tired? When you haven’t exercised? When you are hungry? Planning ahead to not drink too much, get enough rest and exercise, and have emergency snacks on hand, might make all the difference in having peaceful communication.
Another tip is to come prepared with a topics of conversation to offer in place of the ones you may not want to talk about. What do you feel comfortable talking about? What can you share about your life? Having specific, shareable stories and specific topics of conversation ready can help change the subject quickly without entering into dangerous conversation territory.
Do you have any communication tools to share that will help have smoother holiday interactions with your spouse/partner?
With partners it is also very crucial to remember – you are on the same team. You share common goals – what might those be? Do you want your kids to have the best Christmas possible? Do you want to have good times with friends and family? Remembering that you are in this together can make all the difference.
Congrats on your new book The Conversation Guide … share with us what inspired you to write this book?
I never set out to write a book, yet somehow, in the last 8 months, that is what I’ve managed to do! While working in private practice as a counsellor, I started to notice a theme in clients: they were avoiding difficult conversations. They were worried they’d “say the wrong thing”, accidentally hurt someone, get flustered or “end up in another argument”.
Seeing the need for tangible skills to use in conversations and give people confidence to start difficult conversations is why I created a set of 10 skills people can use to communicate effectively. I found these skills were helpful for many people. I started to write them down and before I knew it, I had a fleshed-out book.
Any last thoughts you would like to add?
Remember… you can’t control other people, what they say, or how they act. What you can control is your reaction and how you take care of yourself. Focus on the things you can control, let go of the things you can’t control, and you’ll have a peaceful holiday season.
You can find Joelle Prevost:
Book: The Conversation Guide
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/j.l.prevost/